Uhhhh I hate exercise

Now let’s start with I have always hated exercise in the whole gym fashion because it’s boring.  The thing is I hate exercise but I love(d) being active.  So racquetball, basketball, walking etc…. these were favorites.  I was fit it was great but… I was still having pain and longer recovery…. fast forward a decade.

I’m not as mobile, walking is about all I really can do.  Even stretching… yup you heard it, massages (love them but the aftermath…) have the same effect as a full blown explosive work out.  If you’ve ever read an article of mine you will have probably seen that I have Fibromyasia.  For those of you unfamiliar with this hot mess disease… It is when you have specific symptoms that indicate a disease but you have been clear of other diseases that have already been identified.  Every single Fibro person reacts differently.  Some sugar causes a flare up, some it’s similar things to lupus patients, some weather etc….

Me?  My flare ups are anxiety, touch, weather, massages and exercise.  Yup you read that right.  Every time I’m in therapy and I get a massage or when I’m at the chiropractor getting adjusted or at acupuncture… at that moment I need the service and I’ll get a temporary relief but then for 3 days I’m in agony and stiff.  If I walk to much my legs get stiff and my muscles get tight and my ankles hurt and not just that night, the next day, the next day and possibly the day after that.  Simple stretches even just reaching can cause agony.  It sucks.

So here’s the thing… that’s life.  I don’t have a trauma that caused it, I haven’t found a cocktail that works, so what now?  Nothing I just wanted to explain that exercise doesn’t help everybody and skinny people have fibro too so stop telling me that if I lose weight my incurable disease will disappear. Let me be fat, and hate exercise in peace lol.


Volt Restaurant Experience

I’m not a food critic.  I’m a normal fat person that loves food and has sensitive taste buds where I can feel every texture and taste every ingredient.  With that said I LOVED every bit of Volt Restaurant.  If you are ever in Maryland and have the budget to eat here I highly recommend making a reservation.  Volt is more than food it is an experience.  Everything is perfect from the atmosphere to the food so lets break it down.


First lets talk about when you walk in.  The atmosphere is gorgeous it is clean with pops of color in the Art.  The seating is comfortable and the staff…. OMG the Staff is awesome.  I wish I remember our waitresses name.  Our receipt says 401 Mykel w.  She was bright, bubbly, professional, personable, I loved her shade of red hair and she accommodated the kids.  Volt is not a quick meal it is an experience.  My kids who LOVED the food sat for 2 hours before they got antsy.  It was good enough to get them to behave without electronics or toys or anything.  Now that is a gift.  Even their bathrooms were beautiful.

The food…. the food well lets start with EVERYTHING was amazing and this is probably the best food I’ve every had in my entire life.  I have eaten all over the world and the combination of flavors I found here tops my chart.

Drinks… They had sparkling water… my favorite, water and whatever you could order literally.  Laila got a little orange juice with the most perfect cherry and a splash of grenadine and she was in little princess heaven.  I got a Mimosa because it’s brunch and I never turn down a good Mimosa.


The Bread can we talk about how deliciously soft the bread was.  There was a herb cheddar biscuit and a rosemary bacon brioche.  A butter knife easily cut through the bread.  Even the bread sticks were deliciously crisp and seasoned well.

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The guys got the 3 course Meal and I got the 5 course Chef’s tasting menu which is why I was super full.

First course.  I’ve decided to put everyone’s pictures here because it makes it simpler.  James had Granola which was cooked with pecans and coconut oil accompanied with blood orange, apples, and a spiced yogurt.  I’ve never actually seen James eat any of those items before today but his plate was practically licked clean.  Joel had the Salmon toast which was radish, cream cheese.  The moans as he ate it let me know he thoroughly enjoyed every bite.  Even though, I did not get a pic because my phone decided it hates me and didn’t save the picture, I was however able to find another Volt patron that had taken a pic of my exact dish so I could show you.   These are the best Grits I’ve ever had the pleasure of eating.  It had diced up shrimp, cheddar, spiced bread, a poached egg.  Everything was so perfectly blended.  The babies had donuts which Archer licked every bit of sugar off before devouring it and Laila decided she would do the same.

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While I enjoyed my extra courses these little delicious beauties were brought out for all to enjoy.  You literally take them pop them in your mouth and they melt in seconds covering your taste buds with flavor.  (I told you this is an experience all food lovers should have).  Can we just take time to appreciate my almost 17 year old’s face and how good skincare has people thinking he’s past puberty.  Also you guys the most amazing couple in Irish kilts were sitting behind him.  I wish I could have gotten a picture it reminded me of Ireland which is one of my happy places on this planet.  Okay back to food.

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For my extra courses I ate in Smoked Salmon is layered on the plate. sprinkled over top is a crumb made of coffee and cardamom. It is a garnished with an emulsion of egg yolk and pickled onions.  It was delicious I didn’t leave a single drop.  Then the Steel cut oats followed.  They were cooked with aromatic stock until tender, the porridge was topped with a softly poached egg and crispy potatoes and finished with a chive infused oil.  It was both sweet and savory.  

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For the main courses the kids got waffles and the most rich natural maple syrup.  I got Duck Confit that is braised in a spiced tomato sauce. Served with an aerated bean puree, puffed rice, and a fried egg.  I couldn’t actually finish this dish.  I was delightfully full.  However it was delicious and I’m eating it as I’m typing this.  Both James and Joel got Malted French Toast that was smothered in apples, maple whip, granola.  James literally licked both plates clean and the side of Bacon that has been applewood smoked, with demerara sugar glaze.  It’s the best bacon or 2nd best bacon I’ve ever had.  (That bacon on a stick last year from the bacon booth at the food truck festival is tied with this one at this point)

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Now the desert was just as phenomenal HOWEVER because we packed it to go I didn’t grab pics that would do it justice so I downloaded them from Volt patrons.  Plus by the time I got to the desert James and Joel had already eaten theirs.  The kids got these huge soft delicious chocolate chip cookies.  As the Tuscarora Titans cookie mom that makes 3000 each football season, I can honestly say they were just as good as mine.  I got the Chocolate Mousse is made with a hint of orange oil. A thin layer of caramel chocolate with hazelnut feuilletine is added to the mousse. The dish is finished with balsamic infused strawberry sorbet.  The desert was rich and chocolaty but light and fruity all in the same bite.  Joel got the Apple Coffee Cake that is served with a  maple ice cream, butterscotch and man it was good.  James got the Chocolate Brownie that is over a layer of fudge and shaved chocolate served with malt ice cream.

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This was no cheap fair but most things worth it in life aren’t.  I highly recommend saving your dollars (cause saving your pennies won’t cut it here folks) and come and experience what this restaurant has to offer.  Also, if you have the pleasure of having a crimson headed waitress… consider yourself lucky because she helped make this entire experience perfect!!!!!!

Restaurant Week Reviews

This week was restaurant week in Frederick and for the first time in 7 years I got to enjoy this with my husband, kids and even my friends.  It was a wonderful experience and I enjoyed trying mostly new places.  I’m sad that it took this long to check these gems out.  The food overall was delicious and the restaurant week prices were an awesome incentive to try these places.  I am thankful my husband is on nights so he could join me and I’m thankful for my business for the ability to afford 5 days of eating out at 6 restaurants.  I’m more thankful for my clients that helped me make the top 13 in sales in February.   I’m also thankful for my kids behaving long enough to be able to enjoy these dates.  We do have a Volt reservation for St. Patty’s day so that isn’t included in this review.  Below I’m going to post what we got from each place and what I liked and/or didn’t like.

Day 1

JoJo’s Restaurant & Tap House – Restaurant Week
16 E Patrick Street
Frederick, MD 21701
Joel had:
Asian Rice Bowl: Crispy Beef | Spiced Asian Glaze | Scallions
Foie Gras Burger : Half lb. Burger | Foie Gras Smear | Lettuce | Tomato | Truffle Mayo | Fresh Cut Fries
Crème Brule
I had:
Cream of Asparagus with Crab
Tap House Mussels: Tomato | Garlic | Wine | Butter | Herbs | Julienne Vegetables | Crusty Bread
Crème Brule
Review:  Everything was delicious.  The food was plentiful and all the flavors went very well together.  The Asian Rice bowl is a compliment of salty meets rice.  Together the flavors were delicious.  The Cream of Asparagus was absolutely delicious and neither flavor overpowered the other.
Day 2
Isabella’s Taverna & Tapas Bar – Restaurant Week
44 N Market Street
Frederick, MD 21701
Joel had:
Gambas al Pil Pil: Sizzling Shrimp | Garlic | Olive Oil | Caramelized Onions
Haburgueza: Ground Beef | Manchego | Aioli | Crispy Serrano | Sweet Onions | Bun
I had:
Chorizo: Homemade Chorizo Spanish Chorizo | Mashed Potato | Brown Sauce
Pasta of the Day: chicken, ham, shrimp in a creamy white sauce
Tres Leche
Review: If you don’t know what Tapas are they are small dishes like little appetizers.  The first courses were primarily this and oh my goodness were they delicious.  The Shrimp dish was amazing.  the Chorizo had spice but the mashed potato balanced it out.  Joel said it was the best Hamburger he had so far.  I brought half my pasta home for James it was so go I didn’t actually want to share.  Even the Tapas sizes were plentiful.  We left stuffed and both the Flan and Tres leche was delicious.  However the flan has a caramel sauce and not a caramelized sauce so Titi Socky’s is still better lol.
Day 3:
Family Meal – Restaurant Week
882 North East Street
Frederick, MD 21701
Fried Chicken
Pot pie fritters
Duck fat french fries
Cobb Salad
Review: I ordered pick up here instead of dining in since it had been a busy day.  The fried chicken was very different.  I feel like there was an old bay flavor.  It was good James ate them all.  The pot pie fritters were probably the best thing from here.  The cobb salad was delicious but had too much dressing for my taste but it was still very good.  The Duck fat fries were so good.  Not something I’d have often because… duck fat but the flavor was right on point.
Day 4 (Double header)
Restaurant 1:

Barley & Hops – Restaurant Week
5473 Urbana Pike
Frederick, MD 21704
Caren had:
Broccoli and beer cheddar soup
Sesame Tuna Salad:  Sesame Crusted Ahi Tuna | Mixed Greens | Shredded Veggies | Wasabi Peas | Crushed Peanuts | Crispy Wontons | Sesame Citrus Vinaigrette
I had:
Broccoli and beer cheddar soup
Pork Belly Tacos: Crispy Roasted Pork Belly | Chipotle Maple Glaze | Grilled Pineapple Salsa | Queso Fresco | Cilantro Rice
Review: This was a super rushed lunch but so worth having.  It was great to catch up over delicious soup.  My favorite soup so far honestly.  The Salad looked amazing the presentation was beautiful.  The Tacos were delicious I almost didn’t get to take a picture before I started eating.
Restaurant 2:
Ayse Meze Lounge – Restaurant Week
6 N East Street
Frederick, MD 21701
Ericka and I had a moms night out and did a lot of food sharing on this so this list will be one big list.
Bread Spreads: Hummus | Babaganoush | Tzatziki | Warm Pita
Falafel: Crispy Chick Pea Fritters | Tahini Yogurt | Tomato-Cucumber Salad
Bruksel Lahanasi: Crispy Fried Brussel Sprouts | Walnuts | Capers | Currants | Wildflower Honey
Sigara Borek: Famous Turkish Pastry Cigars filled with Feta Cheese and Parsley | Apricot Spoon Sweet
Sheesh Tawook: Skewered Lebanese Chicken | Whipped Garlic Toum | Rice Pilaf
Garides Saganaki: Broiled Greek Jumbo Shrimp | Feta Cheese | Tomatoes | Garlic |
Rice Pilaf
Baklava: Cinnamon-Walnut Filo Pastry | Whipped Cream
Review: The bread spreads and Falafel were delicious, the dipping sauces were boarder line addicting.  The Sauce on the Shrimp dish was absolutely delicious like if I could bottle it up and put it on everything I would.  The Sigara Borek was surprisingly bitter or sour and I think I expected sweet but the dipping sauce helped balance it.  The chicken skewers were good but the whipped garlic toum was very garlicy.  The Brussel sprouds had a deliciously sweet flavor which was great because it was Ericka’s first time.  I highly recommend these for any first timer Brussel sprout eaters lol.  The Baklava was sweet and had to be consumed at home because we were absolutely stuffed.
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Day 5:
Bushwaller’s – Restaurant Week
209 N. Market St.
Frederick, MD 21701
Joel and I did a lot of sharing here so I’ll just list it lol
Crab Pretzel: Crab Dip | Beer and Cheese Sauce | Marinara
Chicken Pot Pie Eggrolls
Scotch Eggs
Lobster Mac & Cheese: Lobster | Penne Pasta | Cheddar | Tomato | Diced Pepper | Bacon | Old Bay Cracker Crumble
The Dublin Dog: Banger Sausage | Sauerkraut | Chili | Cheddar | Hoagie Roll
Irish Whiskey Cake

Strawberry Shortbread

This was probably our favorite place.  This was the first time having scotch eggs and they were delicious.  The Chicken pot pie eggrolls were phenomenal and the crab pretzel was delicious.  The Lobster mac & cheese was awesome and very rich.  The deserts were absolutely mouth watering.  We will revisit this place soon there is so much more I want to taste and the atmosphere is awesome it is literally a family friendly bar.


St. Patty’s day Volt review… coming soon

New Year New… bull

The phrase “New Year New Me” has always irritated me.  Like why wait for the Calendar to change for you to improve life?  Why wait for your goals?  Why wait to change for the better?  Why wait to get achievements?  What the hell is the point of that.  Like “I’ll stop doing drugs in 2018”.. not if you OD in 2017 you won’t why wait….It’s like saying I’m going to bathe at every new moon because it’s a new cycle… no you’ll bathe because you need to bathe lol.  If you aren’t trying to get pregnant (or avoid it) cycles shouldn’t really dictate things and in all honesty a new year is part of a cycle.

I think it’s amazing to set goals, and to want to improve.  I just don’t see a reason to wait to set that goal or to set it because you feel obligated to set something for the coming new year.  I say set those goals today.  Create a 30-60-90-180-360 plan if you are that detailed.  Make your goals achievable so at the end of 2018 you can say you have met all your achievements.

I’m a hypocrite because every year I claim resolutions… and every year after like 2 months they go to hell… think about this… ever wonder why Gyms (the YMCA included) have their busiest season in the first 3 months of the year?  and their biggest drop offs after that?  That’s the unrealistic resolutions.  “I’m going to go to the gym every day”… happens for like 2 weeks then it drops to 5 days then 4 then 3 then 2 then once a month then you don’t see the gym for like 5 years… get the point?  If you know your life priorities don’t allow for it you have 2 options… either change your priorities or make a realistic goal.  If weight loss is the goal and the gym is your goal work with what you realistically can do like two times a week then if you can manage more do it but people who have packed lives that aren’t willing to move things around just over work themselves and crash before achieving goals because they don’t create balance…. balance yourself.  Make things feasible.  Make them so they easily fit in your life and yes the gym can easily fit in your life if that’s a thing.  Look, I HATE exercise more than I do the gyno… seriously… I rather go to the dentist.  However, I work the gym into my routine at least once or twice a week.  I drop Laila off at school and go straight there, Archer goes into the daycare and I hit the womens area and I force myself to do something productive until I have to leave to get Laila even if productive is sitting in the locker room resting.  But it works with my schedule and is feasible.

This year I didn’t meet my resolutions… I made achievements, many I never intended on and one that I did.  2018 does not have resolutions per say … it has goals.. in fact they are the same goals I have today.  I may announce it on New Years to be in the conversation but I’ll talk about them here.

I will lose more weight, working on that now.

I will come up with a better plan for the holidays since I have more nieces and nephews now.

I will find a few minutes a day to meditate and focus.

I will expand my goals wall as I continue to achieve what’s up there now.

I will save enough money to pay all our debt off but if I can save a few hundred or pay down a few hundred a month I’ll call that a win. (This is a multi year plan)

This year I hit 10,000 in PRV (which is like 15-20k in sales)… I will by December 2018 hit 15000 PRV maybe even 20000 and continue to grow my ability to help others.   Although this doesn’t sound aggressive because it isn’t, I joined in March 2017 so it is fairly aggressive for someone like me who doesn’t push sales.  I’m a problem solver not a sales person and I pride myself on that even if it costs me money.

I will blog more.

I will love more

I will volunteer more

I will be more involved in life and less involved virtually.

I’m not waiting for the new year I’ve started working towards all these goals.  Tomorrow is not guaranteed, life is short, Carpe Diem, the time is now, there is no time like the present.  Whatever phrase you need to get your butt in gear… use it.  Don’t wait, and if you don’t have any resolutions… who cares.. what are your goals in life for your future… work towards those but for God sakes stop that bullshit of New Year New Me.  You aren’t changing because the damn calendar changed…. you should be working towards who you want to become every day starting now.

It’s there….

Sometimes when we think things that are crazy and nuts are negative… they aren’t they have a positive silver lining.  There was a crazy situation with a person.  I was upset that humans have no humanity or empathy.  However, right now I’m listening to my dear friend and upline Erica, tell me that I dodged a bullet.  I never noticed that silver lining.  I was so wrapped up in the crazy and the nuts that I neglected to find the positive.  It was a mistake I’m actively trying not to repeat.  Because all day today I thought I was late but I made it with in a minute or two.  Because all day today the universe gave me little signs of humanity like the person in front of me paying for my coffee (Yes I paid it forward).    Because when I turned the corner at starbucks there was an off duty Santa in plain clothes sitting there with a smile on my face like he could feel my frustration and was telling me it would be okay with his expression.  Because when I had to drop my van off for a fix even though it’s taking an extra day and means an extra day of a rental, they tried to squeeze it in.  Because I got a new car as a rental.  Because I got to eat food I LOVE and I discovered a new restaurant near me.  Because I watched my oldest eat food out of his comfort zone.

This doesn’t mean I didn’t have 3 fevers in my house, this doesn’t mean I don’t have a house that looks like a hurricane hit it.  It doesn’t mean I didn’t get a phone call from one of my besties about her getting cut or about my other bestie having a rough time or my other bestie (yes I have a few lol) falling.  It doesn’t mean these things didn’t happen.  They did, the negative did happen but there was positive too.  There was love shown, there was growth made, there was laughs had.

The point of tonight’s late night post is this…. find the positive in the situations.  There is always a positive even in the shittiest of places.  Sometimes it’s hard to find.  If you concentrate on the crap life gives you, you will be up shits creek.  If you look for the positive when life gives you crap, you will turn it into a multi million dollar manure business….. Remember that phrase when life gives you lemons… turn it into a lemon tree.  Take what life gives you and create the a positive impact in your existence.   It is the snow ball effect!!!!  (The same holds true for the negative… don’t let that snow ball…. )  You control your life.  Be a good human, be empathetic.

Breaking Traditions?

As a kid growing up we would set out cookies for Santa next to the fireplace watch Christmas movies laying next to the warm fire and then in the morning the presents were under the tree.  Thanksgiving was usually just family around the table it didn’t matter if we were in Vermont, in Kansas City or in West Orange.  As we got older we have been trying to balance families.  My husbands large family that we live near always wants to do things together.  My parents don’t care what we do as long as they get to see us.  It just so happens that holidays are when we get off from school and work so we can visit them (they have more room than we do).  Last year we juggled the holiday because we had the rare opportunity to see my brother before he moved to Australia.  My husband’s family also celebrates 3 kings day which is like a 2nd Christmas for them.

The first year we hosted Thanksgiving in our small apartment, and we had a party with his family for my husband’s 25th.  The first christmas we spent Christmas eve at my in laws and Christmas Day with my family.  We attended 3 kings at my husband’s Aunts house.  The next year we hosted Thanksgiving and Traveled for Christmas.  The year after we traveled for Thanksgiving and pulled double duty for Christmas again and we hosted 3 kings day.  It was our last 3 kings with the family.  We then celebrated 3 kings with Archer’s God parents after he was born.  We also have spent every new years with them or at home.  Last 2 years we’ve done some type of Thanksgiving celebration here with the in laws and in some cases did a 2nd one at one at my parent’s houses (neither of my parents homes are closer than 4 hours away).  Christmas we have traveled the last two years.

The whole point of these are leading up to this year.  Usually this is the year we spend Christmas eve at my in laws.  There will be a minimum of 17 people in a small space 20-30 minutes away from our home.  I hate traveling for Christmas, even to my parents house.  For clarification we don’t travel to my parents house for the holiday we travel because they live in freaking paradise and we need a damn vacation.  In PA my parents have 7000 square feet of space, a movie theater, and a freaking in door pool.  In NC they have beautiful weather, another movie theater and just a relaxing screened in porch.  The kids have all the room in the world to run and play.  My parents always come to us when we can’t travel to them if its for a holiday so our location is irrelevant when it comes to spending time together.  We have every day opportunities to spend it with my in laws if they chose to but our time with my side is limited due to distance.

I get it.  My in laws want all their grandkids in one spot… they have “9” currently and will have 11? by June of 2018.  But I hate traveling for Christmas weekend period even to my own family which is why it’s always longer than a weekend when we do… they are also currently 8 hours away.  Usually Joel ends up working on Christmas eve but this year it’s a weekend so he’s free.  All we want to do is circle around the fire, watch Christmas movies and cuddle.  The norm would be for us to haul our kids down to Germantown stay for 2-3 hours drive them back where they will fall asleep then wake them up take them up to bed, deal with cranky kids because we woke them up and then start Christmas morning as usual a few hours after that.  Usually  my parents arrive at my house while we are out so they are present for Christmas morning.  It’s a system that has worked.

Am I wrong for wanting to break “tradition” though?  I would prefer that we do a daytime gift exchange that doesn’t interfere with sleep schedules for a local celebration  or even go back to celebrating the dreaded (there are literally a minimum of 27 adults and 20 kids) 3 kings celebration with the in laws… actually I really prefer not to do that.  We want to break the having to bounce around and spread ourselves thin.  We use the holidays to visit people we don’t get to see often but on short days like the 3 days this year we just want to be home together.  I can see everyone local at anytime.  My sister in law and I do a gift exchange earlier.  I send gifts to my mother in laws 2 weeks in advance so she has them for tree placement regardless of where we will be.  It’s frustrating.  At the end of the day we will do what we want this year, the hard part is trying to explain to everyone else we are tired of doing what everyone else wants from us.    I put a lot of work into making Christmas magical for my kids, this year my business has allowed for some extra magic so we’re taking a Merrytime (Christmas themed) Disney Cruise in November to kick off our holiday season.

Any ideas on how to break the news to my in laws?  I feel bad because it’s a tradition they had before we were married and it’s one we have a difficult time holding up now that we have 3 kids.  I want to start something new… any ideas?

The stage… this stage

Yesterday I posted a link to a site which had a quote about how this stage of life is difficult.  This is not the everyone is getting married and having babies stage.  This is the were we have multiple kids and crazy schedules.  This is where Sarah has completely disappeared and Mom is the only person left.  We’ve talked about this before, rediscovering your new self in this new existence you call life is no easy task.  Let’s face it folks you are not the same person as you were a decade ago or pre kids.  Life changes, you changes… that’s adaptation at it’s finest.  Our friends are all in different stages some are still having kids, some divorcing, some dating again and some long gone.  They are changing too.  Sometimes we are blessed to go through the stages at the same time and most of the time we adapt because we aren’t.

This stage also contains “standing by and witnessing your friends struggle in their marriage, and even get divorced. It’s a stage where you’ve got to put in the time and the effort and the work and the energy to make sure your OWN marriage stays healthy. And that’s good, but it’s hard, too.   At this point, you or someone you know has experienced infertility. Miscarriages. Loss of a child.  It’s a stage where you are buying houses, selling houses, remodeling houses, packing up houses. ”

So here’s the deal.  In the article it stated a bunch of stuff to survive and I’m sure that worked for someone but the reality is this is your journey and you will have to find your own method of coping, surviving and success.

With that said, I personally struggle with my identity.  I don’t have hobbies, I don’t watch TV, I don’t really enjoy doing anything anymore.  All the things I once loved are a burden.  They take time away from my packed schedule.  I could unpack my schedule but it doesn’t free up time for me.  I could make time for me but then I’m taking it away from the kids or my husband who are all 4 in stages where they need me.  Life is constantly changing.

Then there is struggling with my worth…. I know I’m the “bomb digity”, I know I’m amazing… these are not the types of value I struggle with.  What I’m dealing with is summed up pretty accurately in the original article “you are dealing with guilt. Guilt over having a career, and not spending enough time with your kids, or guilt over staying home with your kids, and not doing enough to contribute financially”.  I’m blessed to have found a business I can contribute but I never feel like it’s enough, mostly because I feel like I should put more time into my  business.  It’s something I really like and even though I do alright I’m only dedicating a few minutes a day.  Imagine if I dedicated an hour or two or more… Imagine if I actually left my house for something other than errands or kids stuff and actually networked.  But I don’t, at least not yet.  My job isn’t hard, I love the stuff anyone can do it but I find myself so consumed with everyone else’s “shit” because that’s what it is that I don’t do something that I’m 1. really freaking good at and 2. something I enjoy and believe in.

Every day I try to take a second (literally a second) and try to find myself.  I know I need to dedicate more time to things like scrap booking, exercise (I hate exercise but I need to walk), cooking more, investing in my self development, and investing more time into my business.  Lets face it I won’t really get to find hobbies until theses kids are all self sufficient.  Hell I can’t even go to the damn therapist for my doctor ordered physical therapy.  Partly because of the kids activities, partly because the times never work out and mostly because I don’t trust 99% of population with the care of my kids even if it’s for a second.  I literally have 3 maybe 4 people I’d leave my kids with and they know who they are but that lack of trust in humanity leaves me on the hook 24/7 and that’s stressful but at least I’m real about my self inflicted lack of sanity.

We enter this stage because of the choices we make, we survive it based on the choices we make.

Original article:



On Oct 2nd Laila started pre school.  You would think life would be less busy…. nope.  It’s worse.  It’s crazier I’m literally out of the house 5 days a week running around what feels like all day.  What the hell man!!!!  I was suppose to get a 3 hour break because I’m down to 1 kid but nope.

The school it’s self is amazing.  Laila has learned so much.  It’s freaking awesome.  She’s rude as shit to her student teachers (sorry Shammon – he’s one of my football players).  But she’s cute and knows who to be cute with.

Archer has gotten some much needed one on one but I need him potty trained.  As soon as we drop Laila off it’s errands or a class for Archer.  Then we get Laila and we have therapy sports or dance or some shit 3 days a week after class.  Then Thursday football cookie baking and Friday is game day!!! and at least one day we paint the field.

Mama needs a break!! Just kidding at least I’m not at home eating everything in site.  Kinda loving the crazy but it doesn’t allow for much time on my lives or doing make up on a live.  Tis the season to rev up my business too… If I thought life was crazy before it’s about to get psycho with 4th quarter.

Thanks for checking into my blog, I promise one day I’ll get more consistent with this… just not today lol

WTF is Anxiety?

I don’t know .  I can tell you it comes in many different forms.  It comes in butterflies in the chest, it comes in the form of a mock heart attack, it can be breathing problems.  So when I helped my friends through their episodes I can easily do it but never in a million years thought I would have it.  Why?  because I don’t care about most things, I don’t worry about things I can’t control, I don’t worry about money or my sales, I don’t have nervousness.  I don’t like clutter or mess that’s true and that will stress me out but I’ll just leave and make someone clean it up.   Lately I’ve had this weird chest thing going on sometimes it’s pain all the time it’s butterflies but it is unwavering and consistent day in and day out all day with out more than a few minutes break.  I thought in the beginning that something was off but I never figured it out.  It doesn’t matter where I am or what I’m doing it is present.  There is no meditation or relaxation to calm it, none of the meds work but it also it is just a pain or just a flutter nothing else.

What is causing it?  I have no clue.  What can help it?  Also, no clue.  So how did I come to the conclusion I’m having an anxiety attack you  may ask?  Well…. you guessed it Limelight.  lol yup I know this is where you are like “WTF are you talking about?”  Part of being in Limelight is support, it is a 360 degree lifestyle.  We are more than business partners we are sisters and brothers and my upline Erica invited me to a live from one of my fellow limelight girls and this was part of her topic.  Had she not talked about the flutter I would have never known this is what it is.

Limelight is more than a make up company… no seriously and I don’t mean it’s skincare too.  It’s a family business they key word is family.  The goal is to transform lives.  Now this article isn’t about the business but that’s how I found out what’s going on.  Before you ask me… No I will not go see the Dr. he is a jerk that is going to try to drug me and my favorite PA has moved to New Orleans and favorite Dr. is now only with the VA.  It’s hard to find good doctors…. I see minute clinic in emergencies and if I need meds for a cold but that’s about it.

Below I’ve posted a link with 12 signs of an anxiety issue… none of which I have but just because you don’t fit the typical signs doesn’t mean you don’t have the problem.  I’ve also posted the definition of anxiety.  Most people don’t understand what it is.  In my case it’s literally a constant pain or feeling of butterflies literally dead center of my chest that often feels like there might be something stuck in your throat but it doesn’t really hurt you it’s just weird.  It feels like something is horribly off or as I explained the butter flies to Joel when it started a few weeks ago… It feels like if someone you love dearly dies… that feeling in your chest right before you burst out crying where you are filled with emotion…. that is what it feels like for me… except I have no emotions.


The dictionary defines it as:

  1. a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.
    “he felt a surge of anxiety”
    synonyms: worryconcernapprehension, apprehensiveness, uneasinessunease, fearfulness, feardisquietdisquietudeinquietudeperturbationagitationangstmisgivingnervousness, nerves, tension, tenseness; More

    • desire to do something, typically accompanied by unease.
      “the housekeeper’s eager anxiety to please”
      synonyms: eagernesskeennessdesire

      “an anxiety to please”
      a nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks.