Schedule switches

Football season has started and lets say Varsity is way crazier than JV every was.  James is at practice from 3-8 every single day, weekends the time changes but they are still there.  The season actually kicks off before school starts which I think is crazy but that’s mom life right?  Laila and Archer are starting Lacrosse, Archer is doing Tball and Laila is doing dance.  Both kids also are signed up for some cooking classes.  I’m trying to figure out where Piano will fit in this.  Actually I’m trying to figure out how sanity fits in.

Needless to say it’s difficult for Joel to be there for everything because of work and running a business on my end well lets just say thank god I can work from anywhere.  These schedule additions and changes are rough on the pre programmed body honestly.  I still have my responsibilities as a team player, leader, coach and partner with Limelight as well as my home responsibilities of the keeper of the home or as I refer to it…. Director of Domestic Affairs.

I make time, I don’t have it, I can’t find it but I make it.  So this blog entry is less about how and more of an inquiry into what others do honestly.  There is a lot of planning that is involved in all these activities a little extra planning let me run things smoothly…. I hate planning but I’m damn good at it lol.  What do you do?

2 toddlers plus 3 = craziness

It’s no secret that I do and have watched my friend’s and families kids when in a pinch, as long as my schedule doesn’t contradict it.  Sport seasons are usually the only conflicts, perks of being a business owner.  Today was the first time in a long time I had 4… then 5 kids while actually out of the house.  Now before you tell me how crazy I am for taking 4 & 5 kids under 8 out all at the same time… let me just say it wasn’t as bad as you’d imagine.  It was actually pretty alright.  Minus Archer getting tired and turning into a classic A hole and Child J having to be told to focus like 3 times.  If you think about it … an 8 year old, twin 5 year olds, a 3 year old and a 2 year old would be suicide but it wasn’t.  It was pleasant.  I’m not new to hanging out with this gang usually we do it for an hour or so around the house but today… we were out!!!

James opted to sleep in literally until 2pm.  Insert emoji here that makes that “really -_- ” face.  So he was no help.  Child L is the oldest of the bunch and she was an amazing help today.  When I needed an extra hand to help holding hands crossing the street she was there.  She took her siblings to the potty because I’m terrified of letting kids go to the restroom alone so I force a buddy system and Child J is a boy so that was a little awkward at lunch for him but he’s so quick it was no big deal.  In the mall we all would just go to the family bathroom and take turns so that everyone was safely in one area.  I know I know I’m over protective but hey there are lots of creeps in the world.

We first had a small snack, then hit the Mall.  We went straight to the play area for about an hour before hitting the bounce house.  We were the only ones that early in the bounce house so it was awesome.  The kids had full reign of the entire place and I was free to answer my clients and get some work done while everyone safely played.  It’s one of my favorite places to take the kids because it’s safe, closed in and because I have flexibility to work I can make money while we all play.  about 3 minutes before our time was up other people came there and the kids were ready to go get Child H from camp.

This is where we go from 4 to 5.  The transition was smooth, we hung out for a few minutes for the rush to leave so we could safely cross the street and we headed over to lunch.  the lunch of choice was McDonalds… so 5 Happy meals later, 3 extra fries, and extra burger, 12 cookies, and extra apple juices later the kids were full and ready for a rest.  Lunch was about an hour and a half.   If you ask me that’s perfect.  5 tired, full kids listening and agreeing… yup I’ll take that any day of the week.  Yes I brought lunch home for lazy James too.

The kids came back to the house, all sat on the couch with their happy meal toys and even though it felt like seconds but was much longer…. it was time to go.  Mama was at the door picking up her trio.  Laila and Archer grabbed the tablets and up to bed they went.  Joel came home slightly after and is heading off to his tattoo appointment and me?  Well I’ve got a product launch tomorrow, and I had surprise products come back in stock today.  Life is crazy when business is good and life is definitely crazy right now…. Realistically, I’ll be sitting here listening to trainings, maybe posting something, answering questions with my feet up watching HGTV or DIY (right now it’s HGTV) lol and just relaxing with a coffee.

Life is what you make it, I’m making mine amazing!!!  Big things are on the horizon… stay tune we’ll talk about them soon.

Holy Recovery

Remember we do transparency.  Well lets talk about this, we are in week 2… Kids are the devil!  Will you be mobile?  Yes.  Will you have pain… yes.  Will you still have an issue going potty?  Yup… if you take your pain meds and there’s a good chance if you have small children with no perception of personal space and strength then you’ll need your pain meds and more.  Will you need them if you over do it like I do?  Oh yea….

As the dermo glue stuff comes off your incisions will hurt.  They won’t open but they will hurt.  They will hurt with touch, they will hurt with certain movements.  Can you exercise?  NO.  Walking is it.  Walking helps you heal but don’t be a Sarah and over do it.  You will have aches… are they agonizing… Nope.  What hurts is when you get hit, now that is pain med worthy.  Over use of muscles will cause a need for relief.

Kids are the devil with surgery recovery!!!!!!!  However, if you can survive them you can survive the apocalypse.  There are certain things you can’t do for a specific number of weeks because of the internal stitches and it’ll take a toll on your marriage.  Not for me I don’t care but normal people.  My poor husband is screwed lmfao.

So later today I have a physical check up to see if I’ve popped those stitches running after these crazy children I have.  However, I did get a call today while I was writing this.  I made the right decision to remove my junk.  They found a shit ton of endometriosis.  They did not find anymore cancer but found cells that were starting to change.  So I don’t have to worry about that spreading out since my lady parts are now in a lab and not in my body.

Good news.  I feel like this blog has turned into my uterus blog but we’ll go back to our regular schedule random topics… promise!!!

Things you discover after the fact

This article has graphic content.  We all know the reasons we go into surgeries but there are almost always things we didn’t know that occur or they find during the surgery.  The little details that make us say “wow wtf”  or “omg really”.  Yea my surgery is no different.  Now that I’m more coherent, still pretty medicated though, I’m able to understand some of the things the dr. was explaining to me, some of the things I heard during the nurses change overs and some of the pictures Joel got to see of my “junk”.  These details explain a good amount of my adult life and would have been great to know years ago.

So let’s start with pictures.  The picture below is similar to what Joel saw but is from google since I don’t have my pics from my surgery yet. (These are pictures of a normal Uterus)

so These are the most similar to what Joel was shown.  I have known since pregnancy that my Uterus was positioned slightly farther back which made for very easy pregnancies and the lack of being able to feel bad contractions.  I mostly had back pain but since I’ve had back pain my whole life a little heat always helped that.   In the picture below you can see different shapes,  I would be considered Retrocessed  possibly Retroverted but I don’t have a clear distinction on that yet.  It doesn’t affect the anatomy of the Uterus and won’t cause fertility issues.  One in six women have retroverted (tilted) uterus positions.

types-of-uterus-displacement

During my debriefing about how wonderful everything went.  I was told the only “new” thing they found was that my uterus was shaped differently.  Like it was round instead of a pear.  Now it shouldn’t affect fertility except…….. when I was listening to shift change and they said I had fibroids removed.  Didn’t even know I had them honestly.  We had removed Stage 0 Cancer cells in February and we knew I had endometriosis which they said looks like they removed all of it with the removal of the uterus.  But Fibroids????

uterine-fibroids-illustration

Now 1 in 5 women will get and have fibroids.  They are pretty much benign tumors.  They can make you look pregnant and based on placement can cause fertility issues.  This is something all women should be aware of.  They suck and can mess with your periods and be painful or they can do nothing and you won’t have a clue.  However, looking back my dr. must have known because the word Myomectomy was on my paperwork.

The moral of the story here is, as women it is important to get the details about our bodies especially if you had miscarriages and/ or struggled with fertility.  You can’t go back and change anything but it’s good to have answers and it’s good to know for the future if it happens to your kids or your friends you’ll have enough knowledge to let them know what happened to you etc…

 

 

Percocet Dreams

By now if you are on my facebook page you know my surgery is over and I’m slowly recovering.  A few minutes ago in a conscious state but with my eyes closed for the first time in 2 days I had a “dream”.  I closed my eyes in my room that wasn’t dark but wasn’t bright because I drift in and out of consciousness as mechanism to deal with the pain not necessarily as a reaction to the meds.  As I closed my eyes a woman appeared at the end of my bed.  She was what I assume to be a Native American medicine woman she had table and herbs, she had a long staff with 2 possibly 3 feathers on it and some beads.  To her left was African warriors to her right other Native warriors from a different area.  They stood there quietly as she worked in their traditional garments (or lack there of) with their bodies beautifully painted.

She didn’t look up at me.  She chanted but I could not hear, there was smoke and work being done but I couldn’t hear her.  No one said a word.  Suddenly I’m swiftly moving backwards in my bed into nature into different landscapes and tribes only to return back to her as if I never left.  The entire time I am awake, my eyes closed but I am awake and focused on what’s going on.  I know I’m not asleep, I know she is an illusion of my mind but her presences catches me off guard.

I was not watching TV, nor had I seen anything other than tree house builders and chip and joanna gains aside from cartoons in the last few months.  I had never seen her before a thick woman with long black sleek hair but a perfectly shaped face with beautiful skin tone similar to my mom’s tone and rosy cheeks like mine.  She could have been a darker sister of mine.  She was wearing traditional Native American skins.  She was not elderly, her skincare must have been amazing.  It was Ironic she was near my limelight stuff.

If you’ve heard about my ancestry I only have 1 percent Native American and 1 percent African.  I doubt these were relatives but I’m spiritual so you never know.  My mom thinks she was here to tell me to embrace the healing and maybe she’s right but for now I just think it’s cool that when my eyes shut and I begin to drift that I find my self in places of peace.

Illusion of Choice and Chaos

Today is it… it is the last day I have all my organs, it’s the last day of my pre surgery weight loss goals, today is the last day I have to prep my kids, the last day I have to clean and get everything in order, the last day to prep for recovery… there are many lasts today….

You see I have the illusion of choice.  The illusion that I’m getting this hysterectomy of my own free will.  It’s not necessarily my choice but at least the timing is.  I’m doing this on my time.  I’m not letting cancer or anything else dictate my date.  There is no rush, in fact tomorrow (7/7) is a postponement of my original date of 5/5 that was just too soon for my comfort after my last surgery.

I spent my night, because who sleeps, reading blog after blog medical journal after medical journal of what I am to expect from this grand chapter ending in my life.  The ability to reproduce children forever gone.  It’s no secret I didn’t want to be finished but those choices were made for me long before I had a say.  The positives… no more periods but I did read some women still bleed and lets make sure that’s not a thing shall we because seriously…. who the hell wants to have a period after they remove their lady organs right??  Also, they remove your lady organ through your lady parts even though you now get 5 incisions through various muscles.  Also, did you know you aren’t suppose to shave a week prior to the surgery at least, even arm pits.  No deodorant either.  They are going to operate on Sasquatch.  And the special soap you wash with….. it’s gonna make your skin look and feel like the Sahara desert.  So guess who’s bringing all her skincare to the hospital for after?  Yup we’re gonna have a limelight moisturize my skin party in the hospital after surgery lol

I learned from my readings that I will gain weight and it will be difficult to lose.  I learned that no body knows how many calories your uterus burns so no one knows how to adjust the basal metabolic rate calculations.  I learned I will look 6 months pregnant for 8 weeks and I learned I will be in pain.  I learned there is a reason they have you on a pain pump in the hospital and even the bravest of women whom delivered 6 babies drug free were forced to abuse that pain pump.  I learned I need to make sure everything that touches my skin bed included is freshly laundered.    I learned that I won’t be able to do laundry, drive, clean or hold my kids.  I learned I’ll need a pillow around my stomach to help when I sneeze or have to move.  I learned the recovery is more miserable than most surgeries…. I learned I’ll forget in a year about how shitty it really was and I’ll tell  people it was fine.

Most importantly I learned how unprepared for this event I really am.  I’ve prepared by inviting my mom to help for a week, and I’ll go food shopping later.  I plan to use One drop wonder to heal the open wounds quickly (yes it does that I tested it on a cut this week).  That’s the end of my preparations honestly.  So today I’ll meticulously scrub every room in this house since it’ll be the last time I can clean for a few weeks, I will do all of the laundry, put away all of the clothes, stock the snacks and the fridge, prep some meals, and make sure I have diapers for the kids.  I know I have friends who will pop in, maybe, but I also know my own family will be busy trying to play mommy and that’s not easy.  My kids are huge mommies kids even down to James they have very specific needs and wants and likes and are particular about who does what for them and when.  Most nights daddy isn’t allowed to take them to bed it has to be mommy.  These challenges will suck but they are part of life for them to learn adaptation.

Not gonna lie the first conversation with Laila about tomorrow sucked.  It was sad, my heart hurt saying the words “Mommy isn’t going to be there when you wake up and won’t be home tomorrow but I’ll see you in 2 days”  Archer cried and hasn’t wanted to be put down all morning.  Laila was sad asking who’s going to be her mommy while I’m gone.  These convos are not easy but the idea of having a tea party with their grandma and getting to give mommy a check up fixes everything.

Tomorrow everything will be fine but today…… today will be chaos as I prepare for my illusion of choice.

The bell of change

On Thursday (6/22/17) if you watched my live, mid demonstration of Liquid Sunshine (or as I call it Sun kissed Goddess) I got emotional.  Yesterday was our neighbor’s last day in the house.  It was bitter sweet.  I’m blessed enough that I can work from anywhere, so I was able to shop and cook for a lovely dinner for all of us.  My other neighbor baked the most amazing desserts.  Our kids played outside and had a blast.  It was awesome.

In the same breath it was sad because I won’t look out and see their daughter pushing her cart or just have random conversations about any and everything while mowing the lawn.  We have had the pleasure of seeing their daughter grow from a new born to this almost 2 year old independent animal loving toddler.  However, It was also time.

The bell of change has rung.  We knew this day would come.  Secretly (or not so secretly) we want to end up in the same neighborhood again and be neighbors.  We all want the exact same thing for our families regardless of our place in life and my neighbors were lucky enough to find the perfect house in the perfect area with the perfect school district.  The same school district we are also looking at and the same one my other neighbor likes too.

They made the first move.  My other neighbor will make her own changes and we are planning our own.  It’s a domino effect.  We each moved here at different times in different stages of our lives and even though now we are still in slightly different stages we are closer together than ever.  We’ve bonded and even with our bond the sound of change doesn’t seem to be so bad.

We all aspire to evolve… that sometimes includes our homes.  It’s time.  I’m happy for them and I will see them next week.  We all are happy for them and honestly, we needed one of our neighbors to start the domino so we could get our ish together for that bigger house with the acres in a great school district.

We’ll be right behind you, who knows where we’ll end up but the bell of change has rung and we are riding the sound wave.

On a side note… I need to come up with a pretty awesome house warming gift lol

This is bullshit

We are not suppose to bury our children. Let me repeat that WE as in the PARENTS are not supposed to bury our CHILDREN. They are suppose to out live us. A few hours ago we were informed that a former coworker and friend of my husband will be burying his 16 year old son that had passed away in an accident over the weekend. His son and my son both the same age (his son is like 9 months older) got along great. Like super close friends great, except they weren’t friends. They rarely saw each other. In fact they had only met 3 times but you’d never have known that if you ever saw them together…. James and Jonathan. Every time they played they made plans for a sleepover and of course as the friendly parents that we are we all agreed but life happens. Those sleep overs never solidified. Our boys didn’t really use cell phones like that (at the time) so being an hour away with out each other’s xbox or ps ID means that no real friendship formed when they were apart.

The thing is regardless of if we had ever met the kid, or if we hung out with the parents the fact is my heart cries for them. I can’t in this life and hopefully not in the next life imagine what that pain feels like. My entire existence revolves around my kids. I left corporate America to make sure I never miss a single moment. Thank God I have this amazing opportunity to work from home or from anywhere so I can be at the games and the practices and pick them up from school. Even with all of that, shit happens. Things go wrong. It only takes one split microsecond to lose all that you work so hard for. All that you love.

It does not feel natural to have to bury a child. Not as infants, not as toddlers, not as kids, not as teens, and not even as adults. This is not suppose to be or feel normal. It is not a feeling any of us should ever have to feel. I’m not okay with the sadness I feel as I write this. Nobody wants to be in this club, and I don’t know why it exists.

I don’t ever in my life want to buy a condolence card for anyone who has lost a child again. I don’t want to feel sadness and I damn sure don’t want them to feel the pain from the loss. Because lets face it, there are 7 stages of grief and they will eventually get through all of them but that pain…. that will never go away, or fade or heal. You learn to live normally but you’ll always have that void.

Tonight I pray for the family, I sent them every ounce of positive vibes I can create. I pray that even on their darkest days the light will find them and guide them.

RIP Jonathan Young

https://www.gofundme.com/in-loving-memory-of-john-young

Spread yourself thin

Tonight or Last night or the other night depending on when you are reading this… I went to a high school sports meeting. Technically it’s our 3rd time, except we’ve skipped the first two years lol. This is the kick off meeting where new incoming parents get to get info and learn some basics before the mandatory meeting right before sports start. This is also booster club recruiting. I have successfully avoided the booster club for 2 years but have been super actively involved in the Touchdown club. However, with James picking up wrestling this year it makes sense to be part of the over all team. I walked into the meeting and walked out a board member.

Now I know you guys are like “Seriously Sarah wtf” I know I know crazy right? I just finished my 11 year stint as the Advancement Chairperson in the BSA for various Troops or Packs, technically I’m still AC BUT James is done sooooo yea that’s like a Massive difference!!! Between Laila’s dance, btw her recital was amazing!!!!, and Archer starting sports in fall too and both babies at the dance school and Laila starting pre school and Limelight… omg can we talk about how swamped I am with Limelight. I’m neck deep and loving it, every single day the people who have tried my products are ordering more and we go through everything to make sure it’s perfect for them like 50% of my day is literally helping others. Seriously it’s freaking nuts even in the meeting I was doing limelight stuff until 10pm. Anyway, with all that I’m adding this too.

Now let me explain why it’s not a bad thing to spread yourself thin. Not too thin that you are barely keeping your head above water but just thin enough that you are productive in each of your ventures. The reality is we don’t want to be sitting doing nothing, or at least I don’t. My kids are growing up and I only have right now to have these moments. At the same time I want to set an example for my kids that even though I am at home with them, I am working every day and I am successful and I still have time to make sure I’m actively part of their lives.

As much as I “embarrass” James, he tells me all the time he’s thankful I’ve never missed anything. When he goes off to college and moves on with his life he’ll know that I was always there and still had a business and he will then turn around in turn use that as an example to be a great father (in the FAR future) and he will be a successful business man and he will be well rounded and the kids will have the same. I worked for years outside of the home and it was hard to have that balance but I am blessed enough that I can have that balance between limelight, director of domestic affairs, advancement chairperson, cookie mom, taxi mom, and now booster club board of directors. All my kids are sports kids and honestly it makes sense that I be part of building a lasting organization for their futures.

No bullshit, James is done with BSA and I needed something for him to replace it since I try to balance my involvement with each of these demons I created lol. I’m still part of BSA but since he’s not there the involvement is different. Seriously though make sure that you don’t spread yourself too thin but make sure you are present in your children’s lives and volunteer even if you miss a day of work to read a book during story time or if you donate food for their games or whatever, just be present. They will take those memories with them their entire lives of how involved you were and how working you were and they will become better humans using you as an example. Some of my best memories was when my parents sacrificed their time to join me in my sport or my show. Have a great night folks, go make memories.